A quote struck me the the other day,
“Don’t play hard to get, play hard to forget”
This really appeals to me, I am not sure why it does, maybe it is because I like to be memorable in general! Looked it up tonight and it is a quote from Drake.
I will be easy to forget if I do not get back to this blog, hopefully a real post to follow in the near future. Until then…
… new tricks!
I did my first ever crochet chain on the weekend – high fives, champagne, streamers! I have wanted to learn for years, and for some reason on the weekend I had the gumption to give it a go. I think this was fuelled by the fact that what I was making simply required a single chain. Not a perfect chain, but I think pretty good for a beginner. Yay me!
…as to why I have not written a blog post recently, and a much needed re-prompt to myself. I have mentioned in the past that I am a bit of a fan of Annabel Langbein, and earlier this year there was an article about her in the NZ Women’s Weekly. It resonated strongly, and I wanted to share some of that with you, it has only taken me five months – says it all really!
There were so many points she made, that made me go, yes, yes exactly, it is not just me. Of course I cannot copy them all here. The four highlights from the article for me, and words we can all heed are:
It has been a little crazy busy on the work front for me of late, part time work with more life balance.. humph! I have lots of energy and have worked to the silly time in the morning mentioned above more than once recently. Anyway this is my reminder to get back in balance. If you needed one, hope this helps you.
I cannot take credit for more than about 1% of this post, it is totally inspired by the Real Women’s recent post, The Underlying Truth, absolutely worth reading. Would you believe I went out a day or two later and made my first overdue purchase!
What on earth am I talking about? Letting old, ratty, tatty, underwear become the norm. I am, or rather I was, of the always wearing, did not own anything other than matching underwear brigade. I have always thought that my initiation into bras set me on this path. Acquiring your first bra is a major milestone in any girl’s life. I can visualise this first bra almost as if it were yesterday. Purchased with my Dad, yes that is right, with my Dad. Where was my Mum? At home. To this day I have no idea why it was Dad rather than Mum. I remember clear as day his guidelines to me in the store – anything as long as it is not black! If I pause for a moment I can recall walking into the changing room to try on my intended purchase. And with all my friends getting the skin coloured trainer bras what did I come home with – a light aqua lacy number courtesy of Bendon (a fabulous NZ underwear company, which brought us Elle Macpherson Intimates, among other great brands). And as the saying goes the rest is history.
Now of course I have not abandoned matching underwear entirely, but certainly way more often than not since motherhood. And probably making it worse is that plenty of what I own is in the ‘it probably should not even be used as a duster‘ category! To shame myself further the last new bras I bought were all maternity bras (at least I am not wearing them anymore!). However since my child has just turned five (proof below) ‘overdue purchase’ is a slight understatement. I knew this, I have had intentions, but clearly needed a round tuit. So thank you Real Women for being my round tuit. I wandered into town last Friday and came home with a new bra and matching underwear. When I put them in my underwear drawer it was immediately obvious and really hit home how dinosaurian the rest are. I then felt totally fabulous the next day when wearing the new – there is better shape and fit in the new compared to the old. I will not be stopping this behaviour. The proverbial asteroid is wiping out my dinosaur underwear. Anything you haven’t got around to?
Baked last week – proof of 5 years!
How I imagined my life would be after finishing ‘the big job’ and how it is now are not in full synchronicity. I think this is why quite a lot of ‘always leave the office on time’ resonated with me. I was really good in how I went about what I did with my time the first month, perhaps even most of the second month after concluding work. However there has been some reversion to ‘type’ – I did 12 hours in one day in my casual job last week, into the small hours of the night. What was good though is that I recognised it straight away. This Saturday just passed I was the me of old, lethargic and perhaps even a touch stroppy, and I called it out immediately. It felt just like when I had my big job – who is getting the best of me? So number 4 below is the proverbial nail on the head for me. Time to summon back that girl who went wild making jam and other crazy antics earlier in the year, before the reversion to type reasserts itself in an ongoing fashion. All encouragement welcome!
Any tips from those who have had successfully traversed this path?
SET YOURSELF FREE, and the rest will follow.
I originally titled this post, “Why am I deaf to myself?” but a period of time has lapsed between starting and finishing this post. However let us return to the start.
Five months ago I wrote that change was coming, that I had got myself to the point of action. Well how wrong was I? And that horoscope quote came back to nip me on the bum – damn it. I turned down what was an incredible opportunity for a next job – I had achieved the almost impossible which was an academic role after being out of academia for a dozen years. Why did I slam the door in my own face? I was kicking myself a month later and could not see the answer as to why I had done that.
It is more than this role that I was deaf to though. I say to myself time after time that I am putting too much of myself into work and not enough into living. And yet I let it happen again, and again. Well I have finally cracked it – somewhat inelegantly. With no notice I took two weeks of work off at the end of November – precipitated by I do not know exactly what, other than I was in a complete funk, and the thought of being at work was more than I could bear. Perhaps the trigger was that I had been at work in Sydney, and then Torquay and the thought of heading physically back in to the office was just too much.
And do you know what I did at the end of those two weeks? I resigned! I finish up at the end of this month. And I feel free. For the first time in a very long time I do not know what is next, and do you know what, that pleases me more than anything. I have managed to exit the treadmill. I have created possibility and it feels powerful. Time for reinvention, realignment, or who knows what, and I am excited.
Would love to hear if you have done something similar, or want to do something similar…
but I am! Before I begin this post in earnest I need to confess. Before our daughter was born one thing my other half and I randomly discussed was our fervent desire that when she grows up she does not like reality tv. It would be the antithesis of us. TV, an invention that could have been the most powerful worldwide tool for education that is anything but. This I have to reconcile with my absolute besotted-ness with Married at First Sight. I have watched the entire current (S03) series twice, and watched Seasons 1 & 2.
Now this post comes with an upfront caveat. We were watching edited TV. We have to be really honest with ourselves – we were shown the stories the producers wanted us to see – no more no less. The public reaction to the subsequent news that the couples were no longer together, in particular Keller and Nicole, and the subsequent social media storm is both odd and not odd if we think about it.
I am a grown woman, have been in a loving partnership for 11 years, we have a gorgeous 4 year old daughter, and I am hooked on this couple; so hooked that I ended up on Instagram – how sad is that?! (No responses to that please!). I wanted them to be together. At the end of the day I do not think you ever know what really happens between two people, even your best friends. Why do we suspend that with these two? I have been pondering this, and I think it speaks to the fact that at the end of the day we are social creatures, who want to love and be loved in return. We see bits of ourselves, and bits of people we have known and are wishful for an outcome like ourselves or equally are wishful for the outcome that we didn’t get or didn’t pan out for our friends.
So pretending for a moment this is a TV show with characters not real people, my sincere apologies in advance to the real people here for what I am about to write. Not to be read as anything other than fiction, and bad fiction at that with tongue firmly in cheek. Here is my first possible ending to what we are seeing. The sweet but steely girl character, we will call her Nihcole, has now hooked up with the nefarious boy character known as Jhono. It is going as badly as some have suggested, she is reeling from being badly treated and he abandons her. She does not know where to turn, who to call, and in the moment the one person who springs to mind is the audacious yet deeply loyal Kheller. If only they were still connected on social media… fortunately this can be changed instantly and initial contact is made. He is around in a heart beat and we see them sailing off into the sunset.
Or my option two, where all that is transpiring on social media is still the show. They are actually together and the disintegration playing out on social media is all for TV, the postings staged, a big ruse to set season 4 off with an almighty bang – a one hour special where they have twins on the way (they have skipped a generation!), as clearly need to also do one better than Alex and Zoe if the next season is to be super-charged!
I know – how sad am I with both these options?! We all want the fairytale in one way or another, or at least me and many of those on social media. I think it says something about the human spirit, the human condition, a wistfulness for the magic and happy ever after. Though of course all of us in long standing relationships/marriages know only too well that the reality is ongoing work and effort, with days when we want to shoot the other person!
In ending thought I would share this from Simple Reminders, about people coming into and out of our lives, some staying, some going, and a reminder that a piece of them stays with us always. ♥ So wishing every one of us the ending that we each desire ♥ And for me personally a halt to my newly developed Instagram addiction! At the end of the day the only life you have to live is your own, most of us probably need to put more attention and effort into that.
Image courtesy of clipart.panda.com
